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Tuesday, 01 June 2010

  • I want this to work...

    Hey there readers..

    An update is needed.

    These past few months have been fun, intense, crazy... sad, boring, depressing...

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months, 10 days.

    We're still friends.

    I'm dating Aaron again... :)

    I've taken 3 pregnancy tests since Jan.

    No baby...

    Thank god.

    I'm not ready to be a parent just yet.

    if ever.

    I moved to Oklahoma for a week and missed Kansas City so much I moved back yesterday.

    I have fallen out of love, back in love, out again.. and now I'm sure I'm almost in love totally with Aaron.. possibly all the way.

    I am going to try to do a blog each week..

    "Life is what you make it."

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

  • Showbread's "Anorexia" and "Nervosa": One can't be without the other

    Showbread's new albums have set me pondering the existence of life beyond the superficial. Anorexia and Nerovsa are two completely different stories. Anorexia seeks "to reach the glory of the sky, surely this is the greatest honor that there is to know. I will build a tower in order to propel myself miles above and beyond this horrible planet earth. I will be revered for this good woek and the people down below will look to my tower, no longer seeing me, as I will have vanished into the clouds. This will be my life's work, with this deed I will discover the secret of fulfillment...When I am in the sky, she thought, I will finally be happy." Nervosa seeks "to submerge into the depravity of the dirt, surely this is the greatest adventure that there is to know. I will dig a (w)hole in order to tunnel miles inot the most sordid core of this horrible planet earth. I will experience the most reckless feats of immorality and know every pleasure that there is to know. This will be my life's work, in my quest I will discover something to make me whole." Though they are 2 completely different stories they have the same purpose: self worth. Anorexia wants honor and happiness, Nervosa wants adventure and wholeness. Anorexia seeks to gain happiness from people looking up to her. Nervosa seeks to gain wholeness from reckless behavior and pleasure. And this I believe to be closely related: We all want to be admired and feel whole. I've had my anorexia phrase of life, and though I tried the best I could I didn't find honor or fullfilment... I haven't found love. I haven't found complete wholeness. I was going to embark on the nervosa phrase of life, but fear of uncertainity has held me back... Back from who I am really. I love adventure, but I hate uncertainity. I find joy in being real with people, but I fear rejection/judgement. I want to love myself but have no reason to at this moment. I want to be whole.

Friday, 19 June 2009

  • I think I found (possibly) "The One"

    He gives me freedom, doesn't criticize me, and keeps things on a friendly basis. He doesn't force me to do anything... And I'm slowly falling in love with the idea that maybe he's "the One"... He's been there at my darkest times, taken care of me when I was intoxicated... He's never said anything hurtful to me and I think we mesh well. He's a very very close friend and I think he cares about me... He asks how I've been and seems like he's interested in my life. He's patient with me, respectful, kind, and makes me feel good...

    So I was wondering how to approach him with the "will you be my boyfriend?" question... Any suggestions?

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

  • Don't judge a book by it's cover

    I'm a fan of the tv series, "Sex and the City". I know what they've done wrong in relationships and they kind of aggravate me when they act like a b!tch to guys that care about them... But it always seems to make me feel hopeful at the end of the show. I don't want a Trey (Charlottle), a Mr. Big (Carrie), a Charles (Samantha), or any of the countless men they've dated who seemed like good catches until either they screwed up or the guy turned out to be bogus...

    In Charlotte's and Trey's relationship:

    The problem was that there was no real love between them. They looked great together but the intimacy wasn't there. They married too quickly and was blind to the fact that they really didn't know that much about each other...

    In Mr. Big's and Carrie's (very off and on) relationship:

    Carrie came into the relationship too untrusting. She was looking from the beginning to see if she could trust Mr. Big. I know Mr. Big wasn't completely innocent either, but he was trying to be a good guy. In one episode, She went over to Mr. Big's place and accused him of trying to hide her relationship with him by taking her to a small chinese resturant and not introducing her to some person who said "hi" to Mr. Big on the street. Well it turned out the reason why Mr. Big took her to the small chinese resturant was because he liked the food there. And for the complete stranger saying "hi" to Mr. Big, he didn't remember that guy and blamed it on early "alzheimer's diease". I think their relationship was one of the most elite... How many times do you see a person rekindle with someone that they were in a relationship with long ago? How many times did Carrie cry about Mr. Big? How many times did Carrie forgive Mr. Big, even though he seemed like he was the same guy he was before? I wonder what Mr. Big went through when he wasn't with Carrie? My favorite episode about Mr. Big and Carrie is the one where Carrie moves to Paris with her boyfriend (the russian artist). Carrie finds that even though she's in the city she wanted to visit so much, it wasn't the what she thought it would be like. She wanted to be in Paris with someone that she loved and that someone would spend time with her... The russian artist had better things to do with his time, like promote his artwork and spend time with his daughter... Carrie met some foreign fans of her column "Sex and the City"... They set up a party to honor Carrie. On the same night, The russian artist had a showing of his work at a museum. Carrie went with him instead of going to her party. She told him to not let go of her, but shortly after meeting fans of his work he let go of her hand and left her to be alone. She sat on a bench watching him for god knows how long, then finally she left the museum and went to the resturant where her party was being held. She arrived there too late with a copy of her book laying on the table with a water stain on it. She had disappointed her fans... Well it was a good episode... Mr. Big went to Charlotte for advice on how to get Carrie back, if Carrie really wasn't happy in her relationship with the russian artist. Charlotte called a girl meeting at a restuarant. Samantha and Miranda were appalled when they saw Mr. Big coming to sit with them. (One good thing about Charlotte is that she takes romance seriously. I admire her for that.) After a brief speech from Mr. Big, Miranda says to him, "Go get our girl.". Mr. Big gets on a airplane and flies to Paris... The romance is found in Paris when Carrie sees Mr. Big in the lobby after her brief fight with the russian artist (who slapped Carrie after Carrie said something...).... She tells Mr. Big what happened and Mr. Big is furious... He says what room is he in... Carrie won't tell him, but a hotel employee tells him and he runs up there and Carrie's running beside him, She trips him and ends up falling with him. They end up laughing it off... Carrie and Mr. Big seal their fate when they spend time together in Paris...

    If only I had someone like that... :(

    In the countless relationships Samantha has been in, the one that shocked me the most was the one where she got very close to Charles (I think that's his name...), that relationship was way too speedy. The one she had with that waiter/model/actor... He was so cute. (His name was James Jameson... or something like that...) He was the only one that I think Samantha could have really been close to... I'm not sure what happened to their relationship, cause I've missed a few episodes here and there.... He was the guy who was with Samantha when she was going through treatment for breast cancer.

    Miranda seems like she doesn't know what she wants exactly until it's too late to do anything about it. I took a quiz on Facebook and I matched well with Miranda... the quiz title: What character from Sex and the City are you?...

    In a way, I think I'm like Miranda. I seem to be smart, witty, and destined for success. I just hope I don't ruin a relationship with someone I could spend my life with. I know there is someone out there for everyone, but I'm wondering where that person is for me? When and where will I meet the guy who could just like me for me, no matter what the costs? Someone that will be there when I need them or want them... Someone that I will feel no restraint when holding them or talking to them. Where is my prince?

     

Dawn_Simms

  • Visit Dawn_Simms's Xanga Site
    • Name: Vanessa
    • Birthday: 10/16/1989
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/20/2009

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  • I'm an introvert. I love art and music. I sing but not around people. I can make almost anyone smile/ laugh. I like to be original. I am a revolutionary...

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